Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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