grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
