your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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