Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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