I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
