I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
you have to choose: penises or morals?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
