Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
