Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
