True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
