I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
