none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
