i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
