Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
a search helicopter?!
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
She needs sedatives and a leash
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
