dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
