You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
