We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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