How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
