RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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