hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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