I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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