You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
