I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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