Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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