508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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