She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
