I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
