We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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