hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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