maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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