First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
