I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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