So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I want to be your penis for a week.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
