all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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