just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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