I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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