oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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