Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
