I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Your dad touched me again.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
