I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
