tell your sister to shave her snatch
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Randomize
