I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
