I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I need moral support for this bender
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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