You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
