i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
