Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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