I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
