Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
