Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
