if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
