I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
