omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
