Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
