I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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