I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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