So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
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