8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
our cab driver is having phone sex.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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