it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
